How to Be a Good House Guest

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When visiting someone's home, whether they're close family, more distant relatives, friends, colleagues – and even if you're paying to stay in a Bed & Breakfast or to share someone's home – it is crucial to be a considerate guest.
It could make all the difference between a pleasant stay, and being asked never to return.
Following these 20 tips will help ensure your visit is enjoyable for yourself and your hosts.

Steps

1. Arrive when you say you will arrive.
   
   • Be specific with dates. Don't keep your visit open-ended.
     
   • Do not arrive earlier than agreed. Your host may not be ready for you and an early arrival may inconvenience them.
     
   • If for whatever reason you want to arrive earlier, call your host first to discuss the possibility. If they sound hesitant, tell them you will be happy to honor the original arrangement. (Relatives may not mind your change of plans, but a friend or colleague will likely have other commitments – so think twice before you ask.)
     
   • Avoid showing up several hours before or even the day after you said you'd arrive. This may upset some hosts who worry about your safety, or who are inconvenienced because they've arranged their schedules to accommodate you. If you are delayed for any reason, call in advance to explain why. When you provide reasonable explanations for your change in plans, your hosts will most likely understand.
     
2. Don't overstay your welcome.
   
   • Make your visit brief and pleasant, and mind your manners during your entire visit, so that when the time comes to say goodbye, everyone feels happy you came.
     
   • Depart at the previously arranged date and time. Your hosts may not be on vacation as you are – most have to work while you play. They may have graciously invited you into their home, but keep in mind, they have rearranged their normal routines on your behalf.
     
3. Show your appreciation.
   
   • Your host's hospitality requires their investment of time, energy, patience, and money for extra food and drink, utilities, and other costs. Offering something as a way of thanking your hosts in advance is a thoughtful and caring gesture. It demonstrates you appreciate their important contribution in making your stay enjoyable. Considerate gifts include a bottle of good wine (but only if you know they like wine), a fresh-fruit basket, a floral bouquet, or perhaps a music CD by artists from your region or country. If you don't want to carry anything extra, have it delivered before you arrive.
     
4. Keep your guest area neat.
   
   • Do not roll your suitcase into the home. CARRY YOUR BAG. Take care not to scuff the tiles, or to soil the carpet, sofa or bedcovering with oil, salt, or grime from your luggage. Ask for permission to store your luggage and laundry bag under the bed or in a closet. Your intention should be to avoid cluttering shared-space areas.
     
   • Keep your sleeping quarters tidy and neat. Make your bed before breakfast. Keep your grooming supplies and personal belongings out of the way to keep the common space clear and neat (especially if the room is a shared space, or visible to your hosts passing by). Simply shutting the door to a messy room is NOT an option.
     
5. Be considerate about the bathroom.
   
   • When you arrive, discuss the morning routine with your hosts. Ask if they want you to get up when they do, or if they prefer you to stay in your room, allowing them time and space to prepare for their daily routine at the office or school.
     
   • If there is only one bathroom, ask when it is convenient for you to use it. If you sleep in an area near the bathroom, remember that others may need to use it after you go to bed.
     
   • Ask you hosts which towels to use. Do not assume the fancy towels are for your use. Refold and hang towels neatly after use. Bring your own wash cloths – just as you would use only your own personal soaps, shampoos and grooming supplies.
     
   • Flush the toilet and put the seat down! Clean the shower/tub, toilet and sink/countertops after your use. Don't leave a dripping faucet. Wipe away smudges on the mirror after brushing your teeth or washing your face. Turn off the light before you leave the room.
     
6. Mind your body.
   
   • Use deodorant and shower regularly. Avoid using too much perfume or cologne, realizing many people are allergic to and offended by strong chemical aromas.
     
   • If you are known to snore, purchase a stop-snoring aid before your visit, to avoid keeping your hosts awake.
     
   • Keep your clothes on. You may be comfortable walking around in your underwear (or in the nude), but you should show respect for your hosts by wearing a bathrobe.
     
7. Don't keep the hosts up late.
   
   • Regardless of your joy and eagerness to share time with hosts you may not have seen for a while, be respectful of their bedtime and need for a decent night's rest. After your own exhausting travels, it will benefit you all to retire at a reasonable hour.
     
   • Ask your hosts what time they wake up. Don't sleep in and make them tiptoe around you (especially if the area is a shared space).
     
8. Keep the noise down.
   
   • Bring your own earphones for listening to music or watching TV, to avoid disturbing hosts who may prefer quiet time after a long day – or who may not share your fondness for certain TV shows or music. But in using headphones, be mindful not to ignore or alienate your hosts.
     
   • If you normally speak in a loud tone, tone it down. Be aware that sound travels, especially in apartment buildings where people in adjoining spaces are annoyed by loud conversations.
     
   • Respect the neighbors. Avoid carrying on conversations in common areas such as building lobbys, elevators, and hallways. And don't slam doors or walk heavily on floors where people live below.
     
9. Be mindful about mealtimes.
   
   • Do not wait around expecting hosts to cook and serve your meals. Ask about their preferences for eating arrangements. They may prefer that you prepare your own food, or to have some of your meals out (to allow them some down time). But if you hosts invite you to share a meal, ask what you can do to help, taking care not to crowd the cook who's making the meal. May you set the table? Clear and wash the dishes, or load the dishwasher? Take out the trash? Sweep or mop the floor? Better yet, why not offer to make a meal for them or take them out to dinner? If they decline, find another way to show your gratitude.
     
10. Offer reimbursement for expenses.
    
    • A thoughtful visitor who offers to share expenses is a host's favorite guest. Even if you're not taking full meals in your host's home, offer to contribute financially, cognizant of their personal investments of time, energy and funds required to accommodate you (e.g., shopping for extra toilet paper, sodas, bottled water, juices, breakfast cereals, coffee, tea, cleaning and laundry supplies, and paying for additional electricity and water usage – all of which impacts their budget).
      
    • Either offer cash reimbursement, or ask for a list of items you can purchase for them at a local market. For longer stays, assisting with the grocery bill is crucial!
      
    • Despite the length of your stay, it is customary to treat your hosts to dinner at a restaurant of their choice. Considerate hosts will be mindful of your budget, while also choosing a venue known for cuisine specific to their area, to enhance your tourist experience.
      
11. Do your own laundry.
    
    • Your hosts understand that after a few days you may want to wash your personal garments. Ask for permission and instructions for how and when to do your own laundry. Do not give the impression that you want them to add your load to theirs. Emphasize that you do not want to inconvenience the household's usual routine.
      
12. Entertain – and escort – yourself.
    
    • Your hosts have offered you their home, but not necessarily their time. Ask about their routine and availability to join you on specific excursions, or when they might prefer to "hang out" with you in their home.
      
    • Don't make assumptions about their preferences or schedules. After their workdays, your hosts may have other commitments, or projects and tasks to accomplish at home. Besides, your hosts have most likely seen all the local sights, especially if they live in a tourist-destination town.
      
    • Don't ask hosts to escort or drive you to places you want to see. Before you arrive, study area maps and get tourist information online relevant to every sight you want to see, and plan to get there on your own. Learn about and be prepared to take local public transport or taxis to reach your preferred destinations.
      
    • If you want to rent a car for yourself, ask your hosts about parking arrangements first. City dwellers have limited parking options, and typically, they must go to their local police precincts to acquire residential, on-street parking passes in zoned areas.
      
13. Be punctual.
    
    • During your comings and goings, tell your hosts (in advance) when you plan to leave the home and when you plan to return after your outing. Then keep your time commitment.
      
    • If your hosts are expecting you for an evening meal, be there at least 30 minutes before mealtime to assist with preparations (as noted above). If you are delayed, call to explain why. Then, don't arrive expecting to be fed. Either eat out, or bring dinner home with you. Ask first whether your hosts will have eaten, and offer to bring home food to share.
      
    • Be very quiet when you arrive late. If your hosts have given you a key, use it, and be sure to lock the door behind you. Try to see your way through the darkened home without turning on lights or making noise that will disturb your hosts.
      
14. Ask how it works.
    
    • Ask how to operate household appliances before you use them – whether it's a remote control, a coffeemaker, a microwave, or a washing machine. Even something as simple as knowing which direction to tilt the kitchen water faucet filter can prevent you from having to pay for damage you cause by running hot water in the filtered position.
      
15. Use your own mobile phone phone, and limit use of the host's computer.
    
    • If your hosts have a landline, ask permission before using the house phone. Realizing that most people have dropped their landline coverage and rely on cell-phone plans for local and long distance calls, your hosts may have restricted landline service, which assesses fees for every call.
      
    • Get permission before using the host's computer. Ask whether your hosts have broadband or dial-up service, realizing they may be assessed with fees for usage after an extended period. Also, your use of their dialup connection may prevent them from getting landline phone calls. So if you use it, make it quick.
      
    • If your hosts allow use of their phone or Internet, insist upon paying for any associated costs incurred during your use.
      
    • Never use a host's computer or phone for longer than 30 minutes. It's just plain rude. Be quick about checking your emails or tourist-related Internet sites. And never download any Internet site or data onto your host's personal computer; beware of links you may visit that may result in a dastardly and expensive computer virus.
      
16. Leave a thank-you gift on your departure.
    
    • Fresh flowers or a bottle of good wine, along with your hand-written card, is a lovely token of appreciation. Better yet, during your stay, pay attention to your hosts preferences, needs or desires, and during your local outings, purchase a gift you know they need or like.
      
17. Remove bed linens on your last day.
    
    • Make it easier for your hosts to launder your linens by removing the sheets and pillowcases, placing your laundry and dry towels in the laundry area, or in a neat pile at the foot of the bed. Best yet, ask for permission to start the load before you leave. And if they live in an apartment building where coin-operated washer/dryers are expensive to use, surprise them with a roll of quarters for that purpose.
      
    • If your hosts use a housecleaning service, offer to contribute to the cost.
      
18. Leave quietly and thoughtfully.
    
    • If you must depart early morning, exchange farewells the night before, and leave quietly, locking the door behind you.
      
    • If you must depart when the hosts are at work or out, agree in advance where you should to leave the key, and remember to secure the home before you leave.
      
    • Make your own arrangements to reach your transport destination. Do not expect the hosts to drive you to the airport/train/bus station unless they offer.
      
19. Follow through with a thank-you card.
    
    • Send a card of thanks to follow up with your hosts, preferably via postage-paid mail. Some people appreciate e-cards; others prefer the personal touch. Yes, it's a lot of thank-yous, but it's polite to acknowledge the fact that your hosts opened their home to you, and it ensures the possibility of a repeat invitation.
      
20. Common sense rules for common courtesy.
    
    • If your hosts provide advance information by phone or email to apprise you of relevant details about their home and/or their community, listen attentively, or read carefully, all they've taken the time to share for your benefit. If you don't, it will become clear during your visit that you have not – which is a poor reflection on your own level of consideration.
      
    • For guidelines to help you be aware of and to practice civil behavior, read P.M. Forni's book, Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct.
      

Video

Tips

• If you have special dietary needs, bring your own food, or ask where you can purchase the necessary items once you arrive. If your hosts offer to shop in advance for your special dietary needs, assure them reimbursement upon your arrival. Be clear about what this involves in terms of food preparation, and explain that it may be best for you to prepare your own meals.
  
• At times, there may be tense moments between you and your hosts. With mutual patience and understanding, it should be possible to reach a tolerant arrangement for a comfortable stay. In that endeavor, be calm, candid and considerate, trying to see things from the other person's perspective. If it becomes clear that your stay is irritating your hosts, ask how you might make things more agreeable for them.
  
• Always offer to help in the kitchen. But be sensitive. If you sense your host prefers to prepare meals alone, respect that and stay out of the way. Ask about other ways you can help in the household. Respect their customs and choices, just as you'd want your preferences respected in your home.
  
• Some hosts are fastidious about tidiness and cleanliness. Be as tidy as possible, picking up after yourself. But to avoid offending your hosts – for example, you notice that the floor needs swept or the carpet needs vacuumed – ask with diplomacy if you can help, rather than taking it upon yourself to clean their house.
  
• Be mindful of the security instructions in your host's home, to avoid exposing them to an insurance liability. Lock doors behind you. Guard with your life any keys they provide. If they live in an apartment building, be respectful of their neighbors' security and privacy.
  
• If your host offers to chauffer you anywhere, insist upon paying for their gas. For example, if they drop you off at the airport or station, it's a round-trip drive for them, so reimburse them accordingly. It's a lot less expensive for you than a shuttle or a taxi, and your transport should not be at your host's expense.
  
• RELAX! Don't stress about all these things that could go wrong. Have fun. Simply put, find a way you can make your host and yourself comfortable living together. Be sensitive and giving but don't overdo it, for them or you.
  

Caveats

• Always replace anything you damage. Even if it was an accident, you should offer to pay for repair or replacement of the item. Doing so proves you respect another's possessions. Failing to do so will damage the relationship, and you can be certain others will learn of your indiscretion.
  
• Keep your personal possessions from cluttering common areas. The hosts may not be so tidy and neat themselves, but they will most certainly be inconvenienced and frustrated if your possessions clutter the living room, dining room or kitchen counters.
  
• Do not interpret your invitation into someone's home as permission to peek inside other rooms, closets, medicine cabinets, or other areas. Whether your host is a friend, family, or a stranger, respect their privacy and stay out of their personal spaces.
  
• Never, ever, gossip about or criticize your hosts, their homes, or family members, either before, during or after your stay. It's disrespectful and rude, and reflects negatively on your character as an ungrateful guest. In turn, those with whom you gossip may be inclined not to invite you into their homes.
  
• Did your hosts invite you, or did you invite yourself? Either way, keep all of these guidelines in mind and conduct yourself accordingly. Remember, you're on vacation, they're not. Offer to help, and follow through on what you say you will do. Your conduct will be remembered, good or bad.
  

Related wikiHows

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• How to Accommodate Vegan and Vegetarian Guests
  
• How to Write a Letter of Appreciation
  
• How to Make Your Bed
  

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